Just because the rose died, doesn't mean the stem isn't living...

I know I have not blogged in quite some time now. I fear my reasons are as simple as grief, pain, and misery.  I have been depressed and have been having an extreme struggle with my grief.  One that has led me on some pretty interesting paths.  But this is not why I am here tonight.  I simply wanted to share with you a thought I had today, or yesterday as it may be at this point.  So here goes.

So I was sitting around contemplating my single red rose stem. And I find it beautifully poetic that my husband gave it to me right after the new year and the rose died but the stem lived on to produce new leaves. I guess when a part of us feels like we've died there's a part of us still growing. Maybe our life can be like this rose. Maybe our life will turn into a rose bush and produce many roses like I hope this stem will. You see, I have cut off the dead rose and the thorn and have planted it. There will always be thorns and wilting flowers so I guess that's when we need to focus on the new growth as hard and painful as it may be.  New growth for a new year. Time to cut away the dead wilting parts and let new things happen. Good things.

Does this mean I'm not hurting? Does this mean my grief is over? Does it mean I have stopped missing my daughter? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I don't know when my grief cycle will complete but I know a little of me will always hurt for the daughter I can't have.  That being said, I miss my daughter more and more everyday.  This does, however, mean that I am trying to find meaning and hope in the aftermath of our personal tragedy. It means I'm trying to be like the stem and produce new growth.  I will always miss that first rose, but I have hope that things can grow out of death.

Amazing what you can get from a dead flower, huh?